please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
