I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.