So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.