My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
