i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.