I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
a search helicopter?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.