When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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