Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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