I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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