And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
