dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
