Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
