Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
