Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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