I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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