Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
