in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
