Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
