Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this boner is exhausting
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
