I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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