I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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