How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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