The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
