Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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