ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
