Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
