Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
