Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
