forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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