ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
