Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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