ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
