He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A+ Viking dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize