Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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