so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
