please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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