Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
