also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
