i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
