one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I just sharted jello shots
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