"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
