youre lurking in front of me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
