Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
