so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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