ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
