dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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