I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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