I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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