doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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