Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
