I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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