I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
