We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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