So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
