once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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