I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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