dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
