So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
