Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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