I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
