Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
